Cooking with Volidity - Chick-fil-gay

Long ago, when this blog was yet young, Your Editor-in-Chief authored a piece on the notion of "Chick-fil-a conservatism," predicting that it would become the predominant ideology of the Republican Party. Once again, the Volidity Report has proven itself to be on the cutting edge, now that fried chicken of a Christian vintage is in the spotlight.

Volid Review: Right-Wing Facebook Ads

So, perhaps, like any good filler kid, you have put your own face onto the master book of faces, known as The Face Book™? If so, you might have seen the advertisements that give this free website that doesn't seem to sell or produce anything of significance with an annual revenue of $800 million+ and an estimated value of $10-15 billion. They obviously know me very well, as most of the ads targeted at me are for time-shares, condos, joining the FBI/SWAT/CIA and teeth whitening (for only $1 because a "millionaire gives back").

But the overarching trend of the previous several months has been the build-up to the November midterm election, in which America Was Taken Back. Now the U.S. will have its first orange-American Speaker of the House in John Boehner, among other many other great victories for the Tea Party (and therefore America). Since politicians have always valued exposure to the public, or "face time", as some are wont to say, let us examine the ads on that modern place for face time, The Face Book™:

EAT MOR CHIKIN - BE MOR CONSERVATIV

Despite the incompetence of the Democrats to get things done, the Republican Party and wider conservative movement remain in disarray. As such, a plethora of analysts and commentators have pronounced that conservatism in America is effectively dead in its present form. However, the form it may assume next is unknown even to the punditry. Will it emphasize fiscal conservatism, religious conservatism, compassionate conservatism, paleoconservatism or neoconservatism? Indeed, the answer may have already arrived:

…Chick-fil-A conservatism! 

Now, some might ask, "what does a fast food chain have to do with conservatism?" Well, for starters, the chain has been prominently mentioned by some conservative Republican leading lights of late:

"Chick-fil-a does not say to its franchisees, 'However you want to cook the sandwiches is cool with me.' They are precise in what they expect, and it's my hope going forward more conservatives in all corners of America will be equally precise and exacting in making sure their views are reflected by the party that supposedly represents them."

-Gov. Mark Sanford (R-SC), November 11, 2008

"Chick-fil-A can get fabulously wealthy with a 20% market share. In our business, you need 50% plus one."

-Gov. Haley Barbour (R-MS), ca. May 7, 2009

But Chick-fil-A is more than just a useful metaphor for politicians when speaking to the regular folks! The company was founded by S. Truett Cathy, a devout Southern Baptist. In defiance of food service industry norms, Cathy mandated that all Chick-fil-A restaurants be closed on Sunday, as it is the Sabbath for True Believers like himself. As the restaurant steadily expanded from its base in the Deep South, crossing the Mississippi and the Mason-Dixon Line without looking back sometime in the 1990s, it has developed at present into a truly nationwide institution. Now a prominent national brand, Chick-fil-A has become a major sponsor of events, most notably the Chick-fil-A Bowl (formerly the Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl, né Peach Bowl).

Though being the namesake of a college football tournament is a good start for all-Amurican cred, the chain has also taken on a number of conservative causes. Chick-fil-A’s owners, the Cathy family, became major defenders of "opposite marriage" by funding the Yes on Proposition 8 campaign in California. In the 2008 presidential race, not only did John McCain make a major campaign stop at Chick-fil-A headquarters outside Atlanta, but former Republican Senator Fred Thompson actually announced his candidacy for president at a Chick-fil-A restaurant in South Carolina. S. Truett Cathy once said, "You don't have to make the headlines to make a difference," but if prominent Republican politicians keep name-dropping Chick-fil-A in their speeches and op-eds, this chicken chain could make quite a difference indeed. Perhaps it is this quintessentially American formula of conservatism—combining evangelical Christianity, corporate capitalism, and fried food—that could turn things around for their beleaguered party...

Remember, freedom ain't free, but it comes with Chick-fil-A tea!