Tales from the Spambots: Liu Yan

Returning to your computer screens—be they liquid plasma or glass reinforced with lead such that not even Superman could peer through—is everyone's new favorite series, Tales from the Spambots. This week, we have a man who believes in business partnership at first sight, Mr. Liu Yan. Having sought just the right person through his "personal search" (MySpace? JDate? Adult Friend Finder?..we may never know for sure), he found a certain friend of the Volidity Report:

From: "Liu"<_______@tut.by>
Date: July 30, 2010 6:44:18 AM EDT
Subject: Business Notification !!! (30.7.10)
Reply-To: <_______@tut.by>

FROM: Liu Yan
Bank of China
13/F. Bank of China Tower
1 Garden Road
Hong Kong,

I sincerely ask for forgiveness for I know this may seem like a complete intrusion to your privacy but right about now this is my best option of communication. This mail might come to you as a surprise and the temptation to ignore it as frivolous could come into your mind, but please consider it a divine wish and accept it with a deep sense of humility

This letter must surprise you because we have never meet before neither in person nor by correspondence, but I believe that it takes just one day to meet or know someone either physically or through correspondence. I got your contact through my personal search, you were revealed as being quite astute in private entrepreneurship, and one has no doubt in your ability to handle a financial business transaction. I am Mr. Liu Yan a transfer supervisor operations in investment section in Bank of China Ltd. Secretariat of the BOCHK Charitable Foundation 13/F. Bank of China Tower, 1 Garden Road,Hong Kong I have an obscured business suggestion for you.Before the U.S and Iraqi war our client General Mohammed Jassim Ali who work with the Iraqi forces and also business man made a numbered fixed deposit for 18 calendar months, with a value of (I will disclose amount upon your reply) in my branch.

Upon maturity several notices was sent to him, even early in the war, again after the war another notification was sent and still no response came from him, We later found out that General Mohammed Jassim Ali and his family had been killed during the war, in a bomb blast that hit their home.

After further investigation it was also discovered that General Mohammed Jassim Ali did not declare any next of kin in his official papers including the paper work of his bank deposit. And he also confided in me the last time he was at my office that no one except me knew of his deposit in my bank. So, (I will disclose amount upon your reply) is still lying in my bank and no one will ever come forward to claim it. What bothers me most is that, according to the laws of my country at the expiration of 3 years the funds will be reverted to the ownership of the Hong Kong Government if nobody applies to claim the funds. Against this backdrop, my suggestion to you is that I will like you as a foreigner to stand as the next of kin to General Mohammed Jassim Ali so that you will be able to receive his funds. I want you to know that I have had everything planned out so that we shall come out successful.

I have contacted an attorney who will prepare the legal documents that will authorise and back you up as the next of kin to General Mohammed Jassim Ali, all what is required from you at this stage is for you to provide me with your Full Names, private phone number and Address so that the attorney can commence his job. After you have been made the next of kin, the attorney will also file in for claims on your behalf and secure the necessary approval and letter from the probate in your favor for the transfer of the funds to an account that will be provided by you with my guidance. There is no risk involved at all in the matter as we are going to adopt a legalized method and the attorney will prepare all the necessary documents.

Please endeavor to observe utmost discretion in all matters concerning this issue. Once the funds have been transferred to your nominated bank account then we shall discuss the percentage issue on your reply.

If you are interested please forward to me your full names and current residential address, and I will prefer you to reach me on my private and secure email address below and finally after that I shall provide you with more details of this operation.

Best Regards
Liu Yan

Please reply to this email: ________@tut.by

He believes in fate ("divine wish"), is humble, and thinks "that it takes just one day to meet or know someone either physically or through correspondence", just like Ethan Hawke [swoon]. Some of you might have noticed that his e-mail is from a Belarusian web domain, which I view as a further plus, since that country produces the world's best informational magazines. Frankly Liu, I'd be glad to partner with you (entrepreneurially) any day...