Cooking with Volidity: The Organic, Local Double Down

Living in the major urban center and global city that is New York City, one encounters two seemingly diametrically opposed food cultures: one is of the foodies and locavores, who cherish organic small-scale farming and elect to eat bucketfull after bucketfull of baked kale; the other is centered on industrial food production and the frying of corn, chicken, and the like, then eating them for low prices at odd hours of the night, from a KFC (both Kennedy and Kentucky Fried Chicken, of course). Your Editor-in-Chief here at the Volidity Report has decided he would do his darndest to unite these factions, despite his steadfast position as a Chick-Fil-A conservative. Naturally, I wanted to get to the heat of the meat, as I believe the young folks say. My investigation led me to the food item depicted in the video below:

Yes, the Double Down; because of man's insatiable desire for chicken and his tendency toward efficiency, the superfluous bun has been eliminated in favor of fully actualized poultry potential. And it's not even the unhealthiest fast food sandwich ever, maybe! But how to appeal to the locavore organic crowd—who scoffed at this "sandwich" when it first emerged—and solve this "omnivore's dilemma"? Thus I took the advice of the advertisement above and proceeded to "unthink" the Double Down—and reconceive it as a foodie dish created from local, organic ingredients!


Man of the Year 2010

As the Gregorian Calendar has signalled the changing of another year, media institutions such as the Volidity Report are required to make lists pertaining to the previous calendar year and arbitrarily award superlatives. Since arbitrariness is our bread and butter here at the Volidity Report, Your Editor-in-Chief has decided to give out the first annual Man of the Year Award to a colossal and inspiring figure for us all, Shaquille O'Neal.

Even though his biological father didn't bother, Shaquille—or as he is known to his friends: "Shaq", "The Diesel", "Shaq Fu", "The Big Aristotle", "The Big Daddy", "Superman", "The Big Shaqtus", "The Big Galactus", "The Big Baryshnikov", "The Real Deal", "Shaqovic", and (of course) "The Forty Ounce Guzzler"—has risen from humble beginnings to become the quintessential Renaissance man of the new millenium.

Shaq is a star athlete (for 18 seasons[!!]), as we all know, but his skills are far broader than even the length of his Size 22 sneakers! He is a talented actor, musician, an enforcer of the law, symphonic conductor, life coach to the overweight, and the first human to enter The Second World. He is friend to presidents but champion of the common man. As an honorary U.S. Marshall and badge-holding police officer in three states, Shaq is a one-man posse comitatus, with the catch phrase "Tanya says hello", as he arrests various criminal elements. Shaq meets all comers, and has even faced the famed Rachel Ray in the art of cuisine. "Dr. Shaq" has earned an MBA and is well on his way to achieving a Ph.D. He doesn't do drugs and he doesn't drink (though he'll have a Pepsi, to help him think). Shaq even rescued the boy Nezu from the Second World!

Truly a towering figure, Shaquille O'Neal is simply outstanding, and thus the Volidity Report's Man of the Year for 2010. Though it is bold to say, we may even have an early front-runner for the Man of the Millenium as well...

(Shaq is the man [of the year] and that's evident!)