Portrait Gallery

There will always be lazy afternoons. Especially at this juncture of youth, where going out until the wee hours is a matter of course on Friday and Saturday nights, Saturday and Sunday afternoons can end up largely wasted. But, if you have a few friends gathered, who are bored, and especially for those who are already drinking again, I recommend one simple activity. All one requires is paper, pens, and a volunteer to pose. Then, the others can draw this individual, with hilarious consequences.

(the first round ended up being rather cartoonish)

(myself as Teen Wolf [?], I guess)

(associate editor LK Shov as an African-American Studies professor with a special focus on New York City)

(my friend "Trebor," the victim of grand theft nug)

But, by the next round, we moved toward realism, by way of abstract art and produced a much nicer set of portraits, including my own blogger profile photo. Hooray for art, down time, and afternoon beer! (and credit goes to Trebor for drawing the first two portraits here and LK Shov the final one)



Despite the incompetence of the Democrats to get things done, the Republican Party and wider conservative movement remain in disarray. As such, a plethora of analysts and commentators have pronounced that conservatism in America is effectively dead in its present form. However, the form it may assume next is unknown even to the punditry. Will it emphasize fiscal conservatism, religious conservatism, compassionate conservatism, paleoconservatism or neoconservatism? Indeed, the answer may have already arrived:

Chick-fil-A conservatism! 

Now, some might ask, "what does a fast food chain have to do with conservatism?" Well, for starters, the chain has been prominently mentioned by some conservative Republican leading lights of late:
"Chick-fil-a does not say to its franchisees, 'However you want to cook the sandwiches is cool with me.' They are precise in what they expect, and it's my hope going forward more conservatives in all corners of America will be equally precise and exacting in making sure their views are reflected by the party that supposedly represents them."
-Gov. Mark Sanford (R-SC), November 11, 2008

"Chick-fil-A can get fabulously wealthy with a 20% market share. In our business, you need 50% plus one."
-Gov. Haley Barbour (R-MS), ca. May 7, 2009

But Chick-fil-A is more than just a useful metaphor for politicians when speaking to the regular folks! The company was founded by S. Truett Cathy, a devout Southern Baptist. In defiance of food service industry norms, Cathy mandated that all Chick-fil-A restaurants be closed on Sunday, as it is the Sabbath for True Believers like himself. As the restaurant steadily expanded from its base in the Deep South, crossing the Mississippi and the Mason-Dixon Line without looking back sometime in the 1990s, it has developed at present into a truly nationwide institution. Now a prominent national brand, Chick-fil-A has become a major sponsor of events, most notably the Chick-fil-A Bowl (formerly the Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl, né Peach Bowl).

Though being the namesake of a college football tournament is a good start for all-Amurican cred, the chain has also taken on a number of conservative causes. Chick-fil-A’s owners, the Cathy family, became major defenders of "opposite marriage" by funding the Yes on Proposition 8 campaign in California. In the 2008 presidential race, not only did John McCain make a major campaign stop at Chick-fil-A headquarters outside Atlanta, but former Republican Senator Fred Thompson actually announced his candidacy for president at a Chick-fil-A restaurant in South Carolina. S. Truett Cathy once said, "You don't have to make the headlines to make a difference," but if prominent Republican politicians keep name-dropping Chick-fil-A in their speeches and op-eds, this chicken chain could make quite a difference indeed. Perhaps it is this quintessentially American formula of conservatism—combining evangelical Christianity, corporate capitalism, and fried food—that could turn things around for their beleaguered party...

Remember, freedom ain't free, but it comes with Chick-fil-A tea!


The Fictionary

The Fictionary*
Comprehensive 1st Edition
“New slang for every boy and girl!”

barrogant: IPA: /bærəgənt/
1. An abbreviation for “barely arrogant.”
“The first sign of egotism is barrogance.”

breeze: IPA: /briːz/
1. (informal) An abbreviation for "beer freeze" (a frozen dish made from beer with the consistency of Italian ice).
“Get your spoons out kids—I accidentally left another beer in the freezer so there’s enough breeze for everyone!”

effigeous: IPA: /ɛfəgiəs/
1. Having assumed a false persona, often involving an air of self-importance or other ostentatious qualities.
2. More generally pretentious, especially in an eccentric manner.
“Every time Herrence drinks he becomes rather effigeous, leading others to believe he is a British aristocrat or some other sort of European eccentric.”

exquibulary: IPA: /ɛkskwɪbjʊlæri/
1. Exceptionally good; of the highest quality.
“You did an exquibulary job on that last Tetris game—over 500,000 points!”

fartitude: IPA: /‘fɑːtɪtjuːd/
1. A willingness to allow audible flatulence, even in the company of others.
“Yeah, Tibor’s got fartitude alright—he just lets them rip!”

filler kid: IPA: /fɪlər kɪd/
1. A thoroughly unexceptional and conventional person.
2. (slang) Someone uninteresting, a type often met at parties.
“Drinking poor quality beer, talking only on the shallowest of subjects, and wearing non-descript polos or t-shirts with clichéd slogans—it looks like filler kids to me...”

Florida cold: IPA: /’flɔɹɪdə koʊld/
1. Temperatures that are perceived as cold by any longtime resident of Florida, however mild they might be to inhabitants of temperate climes.
“After living in Tampa Bay for a while, when it gets to be under 70°F, the time comes to bundle up against the Florida cold.”

grand theft nug: IPA: /ɡɹænd θɛft ‘nʌɡ/
1. The act of stealing a significant quantity of marijuana.
“Dude, it was grand theft nug—he took my whole stash!”

hangry: IPA: /hæŋ.gri/
1. Simultaneously angry and hungry; oftentimes anger resulting from hunger.
“Man, after no free lunch at a daylong conference I’m getting pretty hangry!”

Latviangliski: IPA: /lætviənglɪski/
Proper Noun
1. A Latvian-English language pidgin, a portmanteau of “Latvian” and “angliski.”
“You’re speaking Latviangliski again: you don’t need ‘a santechnics man for remont,’ what you actually need is ‘a plumber to repair something.’”

metro ho: IPA: /’mɛtɹəʊ hoʊ/
1. A young woman traveling on a subway system who is typically inebriated, scantily clad—often in a short dress or miniskirt and high-heeled shoes—and often willing to engage in public displays of affection while on board.
“The last train of the night is always remarkable for its abundance of metro hos, who are unable either to keep balance or keep their hands and lips to themselves.”

M.I.R.T.: IPA: /mɝt/
1. (pathology) An abbreviation for “Multiple Independent Rat Tails,” a condition experienced by curly-haired individuals when not showering regularly; specific curls begin to extend and twist in various directions.
“I didn’t have the opportunity to shower today and as such I’m suffering from a rather serious case of M.I.R.T.”

9/11 kid: IPA: /naɪn əlɛvən kɪd/
1. An individual, often an adolescent, who was highly influenced by the September 11th terrorist attacks despite no direct connections and generally a large degree of geographic separation. He (more rarely she) exchanged political indifference for jingoistic opinions through that experience and expresses them publically and frequently.
“Uh-oh, he’s wearing a ‘Freedom isn’t Free’ t-shirt and an FDNY cap—looks like a 9/11 kid to me…”

peach-muncher: IPA: /piːʧ-mʌnʧɚ/
1. (mildly vulgar) Derogatory term for a person from the State of Georgia.
“And there I was on Interstate 75 near Valdosta going 2 mph above the speed limit when some local peach-muncher of a cop stops and tickets me.”

pet-o-phile: IPA: /pɛtofaɪl/
1. A pet lover; pet enthusiast.
“Yeah, he owns two dogs and a cat; he sure is a pet-o-phile…”

pizza shoe: IPA: /piːtsə ʃuː/
1. (informal) A bad or disliked thing.
2. (informal, mildly vulgar) A despicable person.
“Now listen here you goddamn pizza shoe!”

shalimar: IPA: /ʃælɪɑɻ/
1. An attractive but overly haughty or stuck-up woman.
“I just tried to give her a simple compliment, but she was such a shalimar that she didn’t even acknowledge me at all.”

shittyshaman: IPA: /ʃɪti‘ʃɑː.mən/
1. Of poor quality.
2. Demonstrating distinct lack of skill.
See also: Anaconda (film)
“‘The totem is shittyshaman.’
‘The haiku is also the shittyshaman.’”

spermanent: IPA: /spɜː(r)mənɛnt/
1. Referring to an accidental conception that is carried through by the mother.
“Well, initially there was much debate over what to do next, but that broken condom has led to our now spermanent little boy.”

tall: IPA: /tɔːl/
1. (slang) To drink a large amount of fluid (especially of alcohol) in a single action.
“Are you just going to sit there and stare at your beer, or are you going to tall ‘dat?”

truemor: IPA: /tɹuː.mɚ/
1. A salacious but true rumor.
“Politicians are often surrounded by gossip on their personal lives, but you’d be surprised how many truemors are contained within that idle talk.”

volid: IPA: /vəʊlɪd/
1. Sarcastic or ironic taken ad absurdum; most commonly refers to snarky conversation or banter.
“That’s enough talk about the ‘dangerous’ and ‘related’ ideologies of liberalism and ‘Islamo-fascism’—this conversation has become too volid for me.”

What's going cool?: IPA: /wɑts goʊɪŋ kuːl/
Interrogative Phrase
1. (informal) Casual phrasing for “What is happening [with you]?” or “How is it going?”
“Yo, so what’s been going cool with you, mэn?”

wife-snake: IPA: /waɪf-sneɪk/
1. (archaic) A female of the sub-order Serpentes that is also one's spouse.
2. (slang) A licentious but domineering female partner.
See also: Anaconda (film)
“You killed my wife-snake!”

*Of course, these terms are of varying utility, especially considering that a full two (2) terms originated from misheard dialogue from the movie Anaconda, but I find at least half of these to be valuable additions to our ever-changing language...

Virtual Arrival

So, once again I blog. Having thoughts that I would like to share in the public domain, I thought this would be the proper medium. This blog will be a platform for my ideas, critiques, satire, and the new slang that I term "the Fictionary," of which "volid" is the flagship term. And it is to you, esteemed reader, that I extend an invitation to write and comment on this very blog, if you are so inclined.

With Sincere Volidity,
Herrence Meritocracy
Founder and Senior Editor
The Volidity Report