So, perhaps, like any good filler kid, you have put your own face onto the master book of faces, known as The Face Book™? If so, you might have seen the advertisements that give this free website that doesn't seem to sell or produce anything of significance with an annual revenue of $800 million+ and an estimated value of $10-15 billion. They obviously know me very well, as most of the ads targeted at me are for time-shares, condos, joining the FBI/SWAT/CIA and teeth whitening (for only $1 because a "millionaire gives back").
But the overarching trend of the previous several months has been the build-up to the November midterm election, in which America Was Taken Back. Now the U.S. will have its first orange-American Speaker of the House in John Boehner, among other many other great victories for the Tea Party (and therefore America). Since politicians have always valued exposure to the public, or "face time", as some are wont to say, let us examine the ads on that modern place for face time, The Face Book™:
Oh yes, I "like" every part of this. Obviously, "Obamacare", with a small proportion of its measures implemented at this time and which will not be fully implemented until 2018, has failed. And the man behind the care, Obama, has also failed, given his low approval ratings in the mid-40s (unlike the Great Ronald Reagan, who Did Not Fail, though his approval ratings hovered in the low-40s during the same period of his presidency).
Speaking of Ronald Reagan (pictured above, presumably), he certainly would not approve of such a "muslim worship center", if he were not deceased and knew what ground zero was. Lucky for him, he can rest in peace—since it won't be at ground zero and there has been a mosque near the World Trade Center site since 1970, when as Governor of California he would have been perfectly placed to criticize local issues in New York City. Hooray!
But wait! I forget that we face a slippery slope here, with the reductio ad absurdum—and be afraid when facing such Latin phrasology—being a monument to kamikaze pilots on top of the sunken USS Arizona itself. My God! It's already begun—there is not only one, but two Japanese Buddhist mega-temples already present in neighboring Pearl City, Hawaii! Alright, I'm beginning to get traumatized here...
Where was I? Right—it was Mr. O. Bama who has brought this trauma upon us. I mean, just from being on the Interwebs, I feel like my head is "spinning" from President Obama's long-winded and librul speechifying to defend these un-/anti-/contra-American proposals. I also appear to be suffering from a bad case of Compulsive Pun Syndrome (CPS). What can be done?
Ah yes, like the young people say, "Get That Fool Out!" Let's roll! USA! USA!
Hmm. Oh, right! The presidential election isn't until 2012. Well, there's got to be somebody we can chase out of office...
Yes! We must remove her from power quickly, as the screen captured image from that excellent Pixar/Dreamworks political advertisement indicates. Otherwise, like the enormous toddler in Honey, I Blew Up the Kid, she will continue to grow when exposed to [political? electrical?] power and destroy everything in her path. Though she seems to have returned to normal size since the midterms, she has retained her power-hungry nature as she will hold onto the leadership of the Democratic Party in the House at all costs!
But who can we thank for the defeat of these failure America-last types, B-movie monsters, and Japanese infiltrators? From the evidence on the Face Book, I've determined the answer. I think we knew all along that it was the most decent Americans, those with the best taste-buds, who have brought victory for America but a week ago. Yes, I am of course speaking of Chick-Fil-A conservatives: