Society for the Protection of Unborn Kittens

We all know that Barry "Beaux" Bama is the abortion president. Since his election, untold numbers of helpless fetuses and embryos have been slaughtered to make our Coke Zero, Oreo cookies, and chicken fries, as far as we know. Despite this grim situation, "very few voters mentioned abortion as a deciding factor" in the Republican presidential primaries this year, and now they have effectively given the nomination to Willard "Mittens" Romney, who kinda maybe was ok with abortion before. Though the situation with humanity's unborn seems helpless at present, there is another mass slaughter going on that could potentially galvanize the greater population toward a pro-life perspective.

I am, of course, describing cat abortion. Yes, the aborting of feline fetuses is apparently a regular occurrence across these United States. Veterinarians rationalize this cruel practice by describing it as an "unnerving necessity," as they admit to having personally performed the procedure hundreds of times. They then try to assuage their guilt by claiming that cat abortion is not a sin. Except for some brave anonymous commentators--whose free speech is silenced by angry blog posts berating them on how cat abortion is not a crime--there is also comparatively little outrage on this topic.
But wait! Secular liberals in elitist coastal cities tend to cohabitate with their partners, shunning marriage for unsanctified sexual intercourse (performed with [*shudder*] contraception) and preferring to own cats over siring children. It is these cats which they love so dearly which might finally bring them over to the pro-life cause. Just observe the misgivings this liberal Philadelphia journalist has on the morality of cat abortion, and the great potential of this issue should be obvious. Combined with the fact that kittens are even cuter than human babies, the Volidity Report recommends that the Republican Party adopt the banning of cat abortion (perhaps starting with late-term cat abortion and laying the groundwork for a Sanctity of Feline Life Amendment to the Constitution) on its 2012 presidential platform. This issue could convert even the most callous Brooklyn hipster into a GOP voter, rounding out the fact that they already vote GOP with their consumer dollars.
The world already has a Society for the Protection of Unborn Children--it's time we founded a Society for the Protection of Unborn Kittens as well! The Volidity Report is pro-(cat) life!

1 comment:

  1. I don't agree with cat abortions either. There's a neighbor who's planning on getting her cat spayed soon because she had two liters this year. I asked her if it turns out her cat is pregnant again will she get a cat abortion and she said yes because she was tired of giving away kittens. But, what about waiting until before or after the cat has kittens? If the cat's spayed beforehand, she won't have babies and that's the lesser of two evils in my opinion. The same goes if she get spayed after having kittens.