Tales From the Spambots - Who's Who of the Hour

We here at the Volidity Report often write about the Man of the Year and the stories [of the stories] of the year, but what about the men of the month, week, day, or...hour??? If even a dog can have its day, why not give man--a more highly evolved creature, with reasoning abilities--smaller units of time? Luckily, there are those who subscribe to this theory *and* wanted to recognize the accomplishments of the Volidity Report:

From: Lisa Davis, Editor
Sent: Wednesday, January 30, 2013 12:40 PM
To: [Herrence Meritocracy]
Subject: Who's Who in Academia (January 2013 edition)

Good morning.
We're writing to let you know that you received Honorable Mention in yesterday's article titled "Who's Who in Academia" by Joseph Bozanek.
The article will remain available at
 http://www.newsdigest.co/news/academia  for the next few hours and is free to view or download.

Wishing you the best of continued success,
Lisa Davis, Editor
News Digest International

Having previously received academic recognition from other Lisas in the past, we here at the Volidity Report were not surprised to be honored in such a way. But the idea of honoring someone for only a set of hours is a potentially a brilliant innovation for the Millennial Generation. As we blog daily, update the Book of Faces hourly, and livetweet our activities minute-by-minute, it is only fitting that we recognize people for their accomplishments over the course of a few Earth hours. When the Volidity Report acquires some unpaid interns or temp workers, expect us to use our tumbling Twitters to honor a "Volid Hero of the Hour" every hour, on the hour. Until then!

-Herrence Meritocracy
Editor-in-Chief, Volidity Report
Who's Who in Academia: January 30, 2013 - 12:00 - 4:00 pm (EST)

Tales from the Spambots: Lambert Academic Publishing

Good news, dear readers! We all already use the Wastebook for a multitude of purposes: for uploading photos of our friends under the influence (of alcohol, robitussin, ibogaine, etc.), poking our friends with a disembodied hand, and advertizing against President Barry "Beaux" Bama. But did you know it is also a legitimate venue to contact people regarding the publication of academic texts? Take it away, Lisa Thompson of Lambert Academic Publishing aka Verlag Dr. Müller:

Lisa Thompson May 6 at 1:46am

Dear [Herrence Meritocracy],

I came to know about your academic paper entitled "Left behind : the difficulty in establishing a viable left-wing alternative in contemporary Latvian national politics (1993-2006)", submitted in 2008, while I was performing research at the Eckerd College's repository.
We are currently planning publications in this subject field and therefore we would be glad to know whether you would be interested in publishing the above mentioned work with us.
LAP LAMBERT Academic Publishing is a member of an international group having nearly 10 years of experience in the publication of high-quality research works from well-known institutions worldwide.
In addition to producing printed scientific books, we also market them worldwide through more than 80,000 booksellers.

Kindly let know if you would be interested in receiving more detailed information in this regard.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.

--
Kind Regards,

Lisa Thompson
Acquisition Editor

LAP LAMBERT Academic Publishing GmbH & Co. KG

Dudweiler Landstraße 99,
66123 Saarbrücken, Germany

Fon +49 681 3720-310
Fax +49 681 3720-3109

l . t h o m p s o n ( a t ) l a p p u b l i s h i n g . c o m / w w w . l a p p u b l i s h i n g . c o m

Handelsregister Amtsgericht Saarbrücken HRA 10752
General Unlimited Partner


VDM Verwaltung Aktiengesellschaft
Handelsregister Amtsgericht Saarbrücken HRB 16777

Board of Directors: Dr. Wolfgang Müller (CEO), Christoph Schulligen, Esther von Krosigk

Ah yes! I had almost forgotten that there has recently been an upsurge of interest in Latvian politics during the 1990s and early 2000s. And of course, "the Eckerd College's repository" has also served for over six (6) years as a place of knowledge, wisdom, and comfortable couches. It's truly a wonder how this undergraduate thesis on an obscure topic in America's 137th best college has remained unpublished outside of that repository's shelves since "2008"!*

Hmm, but wait a metric second--this all sounds a bit familiar. Though she is lacking a photo in her Wastebook profile (unlike the dashing fellow I'm about to describe), a similar proposal was floated to Your Editor by Mr. Emekagbor Richard of the International Journal of English and Literature. Despite the lack of any "$500 handling fee" in Lisa's proposal, this odd offshore publishing house--headquartered in Saarbrücken, capital of Germany's tiny and hilarious state of Saarland, but apparently also with offices in Moldova[!] and Mauritius[!!]--seems as sketchy a venture as Emekagbor's Nigerian/Kenyan operation.

Fundamentally, this "academic author mill" succeeds by stroking the egos of young and unpublished scholars. But, I, being of course Your Humble Editor-in-Chief, cannot be swayed by this, as I already operate the great publishing house that is the Volid Verlag GmbH. So unfortunately, I'm afraid your efforts are wasted, Lisa--perhaps I could connect you with Emekagbor instead?

*Thesis actually published in 2007

Tales from the Spambots: International Journal of English and Literature (IJEL)

Your Editor-in-Chief of the Volidity Report was not entirely surprised to receive a series of invitations to review and submit articles for a series of academic journals, given his recent lecture tour. So, when contacted by three journals—The International Journal of Peace and Development Studies, The International Journal of English and Literature, and the African Journal of Mathematics and Computer Science Research—your Editor-in-Chief was faced with the agonizing decision of choosing only one of these three acclaimed publications. True to my meritocratic name, I in the end focused on the most intriguing subject put forth:

International Journal of English and Literature

www.academicjournals.org/IJEL


Dear Colleague,

We received a manuscript titled “Apemanship: A critique of the Modernization Theory in Ngugi’s selected works and Clement Chihota’s”Shipwreck” in No More Plastic Balls

"I wish to inquire if you can create time to review this manuscript. We will be most grateful if the manuscript can be reviewed and sent to us within 2 week.


Find attached below the article, the reviewer’s guide as well as the instructions for author.

Please acknowledge the receipt of this mail


Emekagbor Richard

Editorial Assistant
International Journal of English and Literature (IJEL)
E-mail: ijel.journal@gmail.com

http://www.academicjournals.org/ijel

Now, being a member of the Great Apes (and a great one at that!), Your Editor-in-Chief was intrigued by the concept of "Apemanship". Forget internships and apprenticeships; I would much prefer to perfect the apely arts at Mountain Gorilla State University. The article itself, which "contends that no society has ever developed on the basis of being copycats or following the philosophy of catching up" and that "African leaders of the 21st century should constantly be monitored for they have a propensity to co-opt foreign ideologies", sounds eminently suitable for a scholar such as myself. As a staunch Eurocentrist who has defended colonialism so long as it results in good beer, who better to assess the desire for Africans to achieve indigenous cultural and societal development!

Mostly, however, I should give thanks to the keen eye of the talent scout who sought me out for the IJEL, Mr. Emekagbor Richard. A true renaissance man (since he works for both the IJEL and the International Journal of Peace and Development Studies), he even looks every bit the totally legitimate and dedicated academic:

Indeed, confirming the legitimacy of these journals, is the final paragraph of the "Instruction for Authors" document attached to the e-mail:

Fees and Charges: Authors are required to pay a $500 handling fee. Publication of an article in the African Journal of Pharmacy and Pharmacology is not contingent upon the author's ability to pay the charges. Neither is acceptance to pay the handling fee a guarantee that the paper will be accepted for publication. Authors may still request (in advance) that the editorial office waive some of the handling fee under special circumstances.

So, my fine readers, assuming that the price of the "handling fee" is not in Zimbabwean Dollars, I will be forced to solicit donations from you in order to submit my review. I simply cannot disappoint Emekagbor, and if this goal is reached, I would be glad to put in a good word for you to any member of this fine family of publications! (I accept cash, check, or Goldline coins)