Religious Rage

MUSLIM RAGE! It's all the rage right now, with protests sweeping across the Arab/Muslim/brown people world followed by important trend pieces to describe them. A single magazine cover has since begat a bevy of poignant images on this MUSLIM RAGE. But are the liberal media once again glazing over the issue, and not asking the hard questions? Are there other religions with even more primal rage on display? The Volidity Report investigates further in a series it hopes Newsweek will eventually publish. We've even made the covers for them!

Cooking with Volidity - Chick-fil-gay

Long ago, when this blog was yet young, Your Editor-in-Chief authored a piece on the notion of "Chick-fil-a conservatism," predicting that it would become the predominant ideology of the Republican Party. Once again, the Volidity Report has proven itself to be on the cutting edge, now that fried chicken of a Christian vintage is in the spotlight.

Society for the Protection of Unborn Kittens

We all know that Barry "Beaux" Bama is the abortion president. Since his election, untold numbers of helpless fetuses and embryos have been slaughtered to make our Coke Zero, Oreo cookies, and chicken fries, as far as we know. Despite this grim situation, "very few voters mentioned abortion as a deciding factor" in the Republican presidential primaries this year, and now they have effectively given the nomination to Willard "Mittens" Romney, who kinda maybe was ok with abortion before. Though the situation with humanity's unborn seems helpless at present, there is another mass slaughter going on that could potentially galvanize the greater population toward a pro-life perspective.

Tales from the Spambots - Humanoid Twitterbots

Ah, the Twitters! A veritable playground of internet robots, who generated 24% of all Twitter content even way back in 2009. These robots are constantly trolling for humans with whom they might connect--to sell products, or perhaps event learn how to feel. In fact, your editor-in-chief has noticed--through volid investigations on Twitter--that the old twitterbots version 1.0 (which had obviously machine-generated profiles and would merely tweet hyperlinks at you) have been replaced by a second variety. These new bots have full profiles and tweet sentence-like messages that don't necessarily include hyperlinks to buy Nikes or Armani dresses or just incoherent nonsense. They're so much like us, and yet, something is not quite right. Let's take a look:

The Flag You Should Have: Mississippi

Mississippi: 50th in per capita GDP, 1st in obesity! But people are less aware that the state is also #1 in controversial flags (see the image above if you're wondering why there might be any controversy). You see, when the Confederate States seceded, they needed a new flag, but they settled initially for a lame imitation of the Stars and Stripes (lazily renamed to the "Stars and Bars"--real creative, guys). After much confusion on the battlefield, it was replaced with the more recognizable Confederate Battle Flag (also known as the "Lynyrd Skynyrd Flag"), which was incorporated into subsequent iterations of the national flag. Its design remains instantly recognizable around the world today, and--like most things--you can blame the Jews for it.¹ After the Confederacy's defeat in the Civil War, the Battle Flag faded from officialdom, until its later revival.

"We be Chrono-Thuggin" - Mobile Volidity Vol. 2

Before the Twitters, before 'pods and 'pads and PADDs, there were text messages. Known forever as SMS by our European counterparts, Volid researchers only recently discovered that is actually an acronym for "Seriously Mystifying Statements" (given the kind of messages we receive on our official mobile telephones, this seems appropriate). Following up on the first official compendium of these messages, the Volidity Report will seek to decipher these messages-in-a-bottle[-shaped phone], for our audience, this time with visual aids!

Cooking with Volidity: The Governor's Family Bowl

We've all heard of Colonel Sanders' Famous Bowl™--and why not? It's famous! Sure, you might say, the Famous Bowl was introduced in 2006 and Sanders had already been dead for 26 years. Also, you may note that this dish happens to be regarded as a rather poor experience by some. But where Patton Oswalt sees a "failure pile in a sadness bowl" the Volidity Report saw its potential as a communal centerpiece around which Your Editor's flatmates could gather and feast. Naturally, all of the usual rules would apply, and a friturier, saucier, and entremetier--among others--would have to be recruited, since this constitutes a multi-course meal all in one bowl.