The Flag You Should Have: Mississippi

Mississippi: 50th in per capita GDP, 1st in obesity! But people are less aware that the state is also #1 in controversial flags (see the image above if you're wondering why there might be any controversy). You see, when the Confederate States seceded, they needed a new flag, but they settled initially for a lame imitation of the Stars and Stripes (lazily renamed to the "Stars and Bars"--real creative, guys). After much confusion on the battlefield, it was replaced with the more recognizable Confederate Battle Flag (also known as the "Lynyrd Skynyrd Flag"), which was incorporated into subsequent iterations of the national flag. Its design remains instantly recognizable around the world today, and--like most things--you can blame the Jews for it.¹ After the Confederacy's defeat in the Civil War, the Battle Flag faded from officialdom, until its later revival.

For its first official banner, Mississippi used the flag above, which it officially adopted after it seceded from the Union. The flag includes symbols associated with Mississippi and the surrounding region, including the Bonnie Blue Flag and the magnolia tree (which is the state's official flower, tree, and nickname). But then in 1894, in a very precocious expression of Confederate nostalgia adopted the flag up top with the Confederate Battle Flag. Georgia later tried to steal Mississippi's thunder, when Gov. Marvin Griffin declared "the rest of the nation is looking to Georgia for the lead in segregation"and the Georgia Legislature also slapped the Battle Flag on its own state flag in 1956. When Georgia caved to public pressure a scant half-century later, instead adopting by far the worst-looking flag in North America, Mississippi voted down a new Confederacy-free flag design by a wide margin. Though the Volidity Report supports sticking to ones guns, perhaps Mississippi might consider adopting a new flag that would not be openly offensive to 37% of its population? We hereby present our expert solution below:

Ta-da! Thus, the magnolia tree and star of the Bonnie Blue Flag have been restored, while the present tricolor is retained. Sure, it might look a little Paraguay-ish or Yugoslav-y, but Your Editor has his doubts that the populace of Mississippi at large is even aware of the existence of these places. As symbols that are tied to Mississippi--unlike the Battle Flag--their restoration could be welcomed by all Mississippians. But don't worry, your editor has not forgotten the old, curmudgeonly racists who voted down the previous revision of the flag either; because the Bonnie Blue Flag and magnolia tree are also symbols associated with secession and the Confederacy, this flag is a tune that everyone can dog-whistle to!

Now who needs some vexillological racial healing next?

1. "Charles Moise, a self-described 'southerner of Jewish persuasion,' wrote [William] Miles and other members of the South Carolina delegation asking that 'the symbols of a particular religion' not be made the symbol of the nation. In adapting his flag to take these criticisms into account, Miles removed the palmetto tree and crescent and substituted a diagonal cross for the St. George's cross...Miles explained that the diagonal cross was preferable because 'it avoided the religious objection about the cross (from the Jews and many Protestant sects), because it did not stand out so conspicuously as if the cross had been placed upright thus.'" -The Confederate Battle Flag: America's Most Embattled Emblem by John M. Coski, p. 5