The Flag You Should Have: Mississippi

Mississippi: 50th in per capita GDP, 1st in obesity! But people are less aware that the state is also #1 in controversial flags (see the image above if you're wondering why there might be any controversy). You see, when the Confederate States seceded, they needed a new flag, but they settled initially for a lame imitation of the Stars and Stripes (lazily renamed to the "Stars and Bars"--real creative, guys). After much confusion on the battlefield, it was replaced with the more recognizable Confederate Battle Flag (also known as the "Lynyrd Skynyrd Flag"), which was incorporated into subsequent iterations of the national flag. Its design remains instantly recognizable around the world today, and--like most things--you can blame the Jews for it.¹ After the Confederacy's defeat in the Civil War, the Battle Flag faded from officialdom, until its later revival.

Vanity Plates, Vanity Hate

I tend to believe that vanity is one of the most prominent qualities of the modern American consumer. Supporting my theory is the fact that over 9.3 million Americans possess vanity license plates for their motor vehicles. Ironically, as a vanity plate owner myself (behind which—in my defense—lies volidity, not vanity), I also possess a car registered in the state with the most vanity plates per capita, Virginia. In 2007, 16.2% of Virginia drivers had vanity plates, which is a statistic I can't easily explain. Perhaps it is just a means of self-expression particular to the Old Dominion, a place with a penchant for bold public declarations since revolutionary times? Or maybe that the workers in "Communist Country" (i.e. Northern Virginia) are eager to spread socialist propaganda on the road, as Leon Trotsky once did in his armored train during the Russian Civil War?

It could just be that the Virginia DMV maintains a lovely little website where potential ideas for text can be tested against various choices of background. With the knowledge that profanity would not be allowed and that many ideas were taken I began browsing through the available license plate designs to get some inspiration. Just take a gander at my two most dark and volid ideas, that I couldn't resist trying out after encountering these plate designs:

Well, "SECeSSioN" is what he ended up (and is remembered for) supporting...

Sure this is offensive, but so to many is the very idea of a Confederate Battle Flag on one's official license plate, so you might as well go for the gold.

And, in case anyone was wondering, each plate idea was met with a "Congratulations. The message you requested is available" from the VA DMV. With that in mind, maybe we could all be a little less vain and accept whatever number-letter combinations we're assigned next time, on plain designs indicating our home state and nothing more...