Tales from the Spambots - DickSuperDick DickDick

America is full of dicks: Dick Cheney, Andy Dick, et al. Even Canada has its share! The internet, on the other hand, is chock full of dudes (though at an ever decreasing ratio). Why, there's Datdude success, Dollaz Datdude, and the merch dude. But as the Volidity Report's research and investigations have revealed, the spambot denizens of the internets tend to hybridize and evolve. We were still shocked, however, when we encountered this character.

Yes, of course I am speaking of Dicksuperdick Dickdick. Dicksuperdick Dickdick starts every morning with a bowl of spotted dick, puts on a pair of Dickies, goes to work (as Assistant Manager, natch) at Dick's Sporting Goods, then attends a political rally to support the DIC(K) party. As the king of the dicks and a dudely dude, Mr. Dickdick appears to be at the vanguard of a new generation of spambots. Is there any way for us to learn more?

Do we *know* him? Sure! Facebook, the grand arbiter of social interactions, even said that he was a "Person [we] might know." Let's see if he will accept our friend request...

What?! *We* need to lose weight first using Dr. Oz's method? Is he suggesting that the Volidity Report is in any way verbose and needs to be trimmed down?

Whatever. Guess who just got blocked! Judgmental dick...

Volid Review: Right-Wing Facebook Ads

So, perhaps, like any good filler kid, you have put your own face onto the master book of faces, known as The Face Book™? If so, you might have seen the advertisements that give this free website that doesn't seem to sell or produce anything of significance with an annual revenue of $800 million+ and an estimated value of $10-15 billion. They obviously know me very well, as most of the ads targeted at me are for time-shares, condos, joining the FBI/SWAT/CIA and teeth whitening (for only $1 because a "millionaire gives back").

But the overarching trend of the previous several months has been the build-up to the November midterm election, in which America Was Taken Back. Now the U.S. will have its first orange-American Speaker of the House in John Boehner, among other many other great victories for the Tea Party (and therefore America). Since politicians have always valued exposure to the public, or "face time", as some are wont to say, let us examine the ads on that modern place for face time, The Face Book™:

A List: Top Ten Facebook Political Views

I hereby present a list of the top ten Facebook political views I have had and have considered having:

1. Libertarian Stalinist*
2. Eco-nationalist
3. Shigalyovist*
4. Objectivist Relativist
5. Crypto-Feudalist
6. Hoxhaist Anti-Revisionist
7. Neo-Conservative Pacifist
8. Orthodox Lacanian Stalinist*
9. Sportsman for Mao
10. Meritocracy*

* Means that I have listed this as my political views